hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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