we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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