So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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