oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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