Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't deserve a penis
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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