I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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