I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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