I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize