I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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