Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I supernannyed him into submission
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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