Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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