Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The best revenge is premature balding
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My bed smells like the plague
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize