also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize