Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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