I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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