I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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