Dual....:-)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did i walk over a car last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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