How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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