My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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