chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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