I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
