gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
