go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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