Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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