Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize