I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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