He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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