Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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