onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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