i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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