I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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