I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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