I'm going to jail i love you
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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