So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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