to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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