Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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