Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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