True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize