After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize