I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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