I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize