Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize