last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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