I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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