fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize