She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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