$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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