: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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