He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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