My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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