He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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