It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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