What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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