That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize